On a white crumpled paper looking background, a black lined drawing of a mom holding a baby in the air.
On a white crumpled paper looking background, a black lined drawing of a mom holding a baby in the air.

It took me years to want to become a mom. At first, I didn’t think it was in the cards for me. I wasn’t really sure how to act around kids and they never really seemed to like me. But as I got older I think my biological clock kicked in. I regarded babies with more admiration. When I was 28 we started trying and unfortunately, that ended in a miscarriage. It took me a year before my body decided that it was ready to be pregnant again — and this one stayed to full term.

Being a first-time mom…


I was the best guard dog in my life, so naturally, they gave me the job. My owners were sad when I died. I heard them weeping as I lay on the ground after getting hurt from the coyote that was going after our chickens. I fought it off with all my might. I think I injured him, too. It hurt too much to move. I wanted to lick them to tell them I was okay. I did my job. I was a good dog.

Then I woke up, but I didn’t look like me anymore. I was bigger than…


TW: miscarriages, pregnancy loss, infant loss

Today is the day little one. Today is the day that you were supposed to be born.

Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. It was not your fault or mine. It was all because the cells didn’t form right. But I am sad. I’m sad that I didn’t get to see you through to birth. I am sad as I approach your due date that all the things I was planning to happen aren’t happening.

We were going to celebrate Christmas at our house just in case you decided to come early. I was going to…

Emi Sano

Emi Sano is a self-published author of “Voices: a short story collection” and YA novella “We Don’t Talk About That.” She freelances as a writer/blogger.

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