Lessons I’m teaching my son to build a strong foundation in empathy and compassion.
When I got pregnant with my son, I started having mini mental crises about all the lessons we’d need to teach him as he grew up. My husband and I share the same philosophy on parenting, but I couldn’t shake the overwhelming thought: We have to teach him everything?
If you’re a first-time parent like I was, feeling that same weight of responsibility, I want to share a few guiding principles that have helped us.
“Good Thoughts, Good Words, Good Deeds”
This quote from Bohemian Rhapsody (movie) resonated deeply with my husband. It comes from a core maxim of the Zoroastrian faith, and it became the foundation for how we teach our son about compassion.
As we worked to lead by example, my husband made a habit of saying this phrase aloud: “Good thoughts, good words, good deeds.” Whenever we walked through our neighborhood, he’d greet people with a cheerful “Hi, neighbor!” or pick up a fallen trash can. Our son was almost two when we started doing this, and now, at four, he naturally follows suit — waving to neighbors and running to return porch pillows that storms have blown onto the sidewalk.
Gratitude
One of my favorite parts of our bedtime routine is asking about his “favorite part of the day.” Since he started preschool, we’ve broken it into two parts: favorite part at school and favorite part of the day. Sometimes, he shares something exciting, like playing a new game with friends. Other times, it’s as simple as “eating dinner.” I love hearing what he perceives as a great moment — it changes daily, and that’s the beauty of it.
Positive Self-Talk
We use affirmations to encourage positive self-talk. When he first started school, we’d recite them every morning in the car line and again at night before bed:
“I am kind enough. I am good enough. I am strong enough. I am smart enough. I can do hard things. I’m a good kid.”
I also add, “And I love my mommy and daddy very much,” at the end — partly to get a giggle and keep things lighthearted. Before bed, we also talk about something he’s proud of. Some nights, he doesn’t have an answer, but when he does, his excitement is contagious.
Actions and Consequences
The biggest lesson we want to teach our son is that every action has a consequence — good or bad. This one has been tricky as we navigate new challenges, but we try to ensure that consequences match the action. Of course, we’re not perfect. Emotions sometimes get the better of us, and discipline doesn’t always go as planned. When that happens, my husband and I talk afterward to reflect and adjust.
For positive actions, we don’t always offer a physical reward. Sometimes, a big hug or a simple “That was a great job!” is enough (he even asks us to say it sometimes). On rare occasions, we let him choose where to eat or what dessert to get, framing it as: “Since you did so well with ___, we’re letting you decide ___.”
Finding Your Own Approach
I hope these strategies help guide you in shaping the lessons you want to teach your children — and, more importantly, ease some of those first-time parent worries. You don’t have to have it all figured out. Just start small, lead by example, and watch them grow.
